Meowy Wowy Puddin' and Pie

Kitty eats a Word Salad

My friend wants to join the Army And I Don’t Know What To Do!

with 3 comments

a real fun time with this one. we were talking in aim blast about trolling Gaia like in the old days, and so i came up with this, in that classic Gaia style, after realized that i could write the same way for those classically Gaia posters of SA’s GOONS IN PLATOONS forum. the plotline is inspired from that last episdoe of K-ON but of course y’all knew that, and also, set-up in the OP but mostly in the replies, fucks with the logic, in fact the stated agenda, of invading a country with overwhelming military force will somehow bring self-determination to the people of that country.  WE”RE FORCING YOU TO BE FREE!!! lmao

anyways, good reaction to this thread.  the mod, trying to be ever so helpful, even started probating people for trolling it, and classylassie flipped the fuck out over it on AIM for daring to pal around with Our Brave Men In Uniform. (who are otherwise indistinguishable from the 18 year olds on Gaia)

Guys, I have a problem. A big fugging problem. I don’t know if you guys can do counseling, but I figure that since you’re all soldiers, then what *can’t* you do? Ok, hope you’re not too bored by this, because I just found out and I am majorly freaking out here.

OK, here goes. My friend wants to join the Army… but I think for all the wrong reasons. I need advice from y’all on how to mentor her about this, because I think she’s just totally confused and messed up, but hold on (hold your horses, as my old Dad used to say) and lemme give a lil’ backstory…

Ok, well, so… how to explain my friend. Well, she’s just kind of a goof. As soon as the summer’s over, she’s about to start her senior year of high school. She hangs out with a nice group of friends, me included, and we all play in a light music band together, light Rock music, real nice. We’re a real fun bunch, if you know what I mean.

But, my friend, even though we’re always so nice around us, she’s kinda shy. A delicate and fragile creature. Because of that, I guess she’s always kinda felt like she doesn’t fit in as well. Kind of a fifth wheel, you know what I mean? Know what I’m saying? Not as intimate with us as the rest of us are. If you’re wondering while I’m bothering with all this fancy psychoanalysis, so to why you should give a “fugg,” I’ll get right to the point: we’ve messed her up, and now she wants to get hit.

More specifically, she wants to get “hit” in the Army. More specifically on top of that, she wants to drop out of high school and join the Army. Do I need to be more specific than that?. So my poor friend, here she was in front of the big kitten-piles of girls, girls horsing around and playin’ pranks and gettin’ in pillow fights, (you know how teenage girls are), and my poor delicate friend, she’s always been on the outside, looking in. Oh, its all our fault, and we’ve never noticed! Can you imagine how lonely she was? All these years she’s wanted to be in on it, rough n tumbling, and now she’s totally messed up with some kind of crazy neurosis and she wants to be HIT. Like just goofing around with isn’t enough to satisfy her anymore. She’s got to have the whole shebang. She even asked us to hit her, straight-up PUNCH her, but we can’t couldn’t do it. She’s just too nice. Just a fragile lil’ creature. Our other friend, who’s so nice for doing this, even tried to help her out by showing techniques she could use to trick us into hitting her, like by pulling pranks and saying mean snippy snaps and stuff like that… but even that didn’t work. She’d try to wear a goofy outfit, but then it would turn out to look totally fabulous. Or she’d try to say something totally inappropriate, and someone would thank her for her honesty and integrity for saying what everyone else was thinking anyways. One time she tried to eat the chestnut off the top of my big piece of German Chocolate Cake, all sneaky like right before I was about to bite in, and had such a smug look on her face. But as it turns out, I don’t even like chestnuts anyways. And the failure keeps going on and on.

But anyways, back to the point. So now my friend thinks that in the Army, this “Army of One” is gonna be her new group of friends who will want to hit her all the time. She thinks its gonna be a dream come true. And I’m just like AAAhhhh, Its not gonna be so easy! The Army just ain’t no laughing matter! They won’t be so easy to get along with!

Who knows what kind of crazy devil put this thought into her head! (Edit: musta been one of those TV commercials now that I think about it) No offense to you guys, but this little girl is gonna ruin her life if she joins the Army! I mean, she wants to DROP OUTTA HIGHSCHOOL over this!! Or maybe, who knows, it’ll be her dream come true. I’ve heard that lots of people these days go into the Army to toughen up and some come out strong, responsible, and with a big head on their shoulders. What do you guys think? What have your own experiences been like? And… What do you think I should I tell her?

Please advise.

(USER WAS BANNED FOR THIS POST)

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Written by meowywowy

July 15, 2010 at 3:06 pm

3 Responses

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  1. Sam here: send lassie to the mines! What an awful human being she is!!

    Sam

    July 15, 2010 at 8:21 pm

    • thanks for the advice sam, that ole’ dog is sure to get a “Work” out if y’all know what I mean… and i thank ya do

      meowywowy

      July 15, 2010 at 8:51 pm

  2. Meooowwmen!

    Sam

    October 14, 2010 at 10:39 pm


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